In my Book, “5,000
Years of Wisdom”, I asked 88 people over the age of 100 “What
is the secret to a successful marriage?”
The responses below represent over 612 years worth of experience and
wisdom in marriage. You might want to pay attention.
“What is the secret
to a successful marriage?”
“If
you want a good marriage, you have to love each other. If you love
each other that means you’ll take care of each other. We got
married for better or worse. Sometimes marriage isn’t easy, but
life isn’t easy. When my wife got sick,
I took care of her. I had to....I loved her. It wasn’t
easy....but I loved her. That’s what you’re supposed to do, take
care
of each other. That’s the promise you make. People don’t
take that seriously enough. If you take those vows and say “I do”,
you’d better live up to it.”
Berle Swagerty, 100,
married 65 years.
“Mary
and I got married when I was 23 years old. We were young and broke
and life was hard. We were both so innocent. We didn’t know
anything! She
had to learn to cook, and how to do sex and everything else! And
me too, you know, ‘cause I didn’t know anything either! I
didn’t know how we were going to make it work, but we didn't know
anything else except to just make
it work. There wasn’t any other choice. Oh, we made lots of
mistakes over 72
years,
but we loved each other and you learn from the mistakes and you keep
moving forward. Love goes a long way, you know. If you love
someone, you forgive them. Lord knows I needed forgivin' plenty of
times. But that's what love does, it forgives.
Dawson
Gorman, 103, married 72 years.
Ernie:
“You have to know one another and know what each other needs and
you do your best to meet those needs. You have to look out for one
another and take care of each other, and balance each other
out....and be willing to listen to the other person's point of view.”
Dorothy:
“You just have to understand the person your living with, their
needs and their wants and their ideas and all this kind of stuff. You
have to live with
people and understand them. You can't be selfish. You have to put the
needs of other person above your own.”
Ernie
and Dorothy Weeks, ages 102 and 100, combined 135 years of marriage.*
*(This is their second marriage due to the deaths of both their spouses. They have been married to each other for 12 years.)
“You
got to make your own happiness. It doesn't just happen by itself;
you've got to work at it. Be good to your mate. Don't try to be the
boss. You've got to keep in mind that you belong together. It don't
go peaceful all the time. Every now and then you're going to
disagree, but we didn't fuss or quarrel. We didn't think it was that
important. If it was important, we worked it out. Some people tend to
get selfish, and that has no place in a marriage. It's ridiculous how
some people get mad and fuss and talk ugly to each other if they
don't get their own way. That's just being childish. You've got to
give a little and take a little. Lloyd and I always talked things
through. We talked about the pros and cons, and we settled on what
was best. Sometimes his was the best way and sometimes mine was, but
there's no sense in quarrelin' about it.”
Eunice
Ford, 102, married for 83 years, 191 days, the 19th longest marriage
ever recorded.
“You
have to learn to give and take. You can't always have it your way.
Don't be selfish. Nobody wants to be around someone who's selfish all
the time. You have to learn that it's not all about you. And you have
to learn to forgive mistakes, 'cause you're both going to make a lot
of 'em.”
Vetus
VanDerWiele, 106, married 54 years
“The
main thing is love. You have to love each other and treat each other
like you love them. Love each other, love and kindness, that's the
main thing...love. I had a wonderful husband. He was real good to
me....maybe because I was so good to him (laughing).
If your good to them, they'll be good to you. It's like sowing and
reaping. If you sow love, you'll reap love. That's what we did. Our
marriage was built on love.”
Ida
Mae Wilson, 107,
married 49 years.
“We've
talked about that, and really, we just respected each other.
Problems come along, but we just solved them and went on. We never
did let it get to a divorce situation.
Most divorces are over money problems, and we didn't have any money
problems, because
we didn't have any money.
We just respected each other.... still do.
Fay
Hudson, 100, married 75 years.
“You
have to be able to agree on things. If you can't agree, there's
nothing else to a marriage. Compromise and working things out
together, that's what marriage is all about. When I was a kid and we
had arguments, my mother never let us go to bed mad. She'd make us
stay up and talk it over. When you finally got tired and sleepy
enough, you'd finally agree on something. I think that was a pretty
good idea! You've got to learn to get along; otherwise, there's no
use being together. My husband and I always got along good. In fact,
we married when I was 30.... three
weeks after we met!”
Agnes
Hahn, 102, married 35 years.
“You
see, you're gonna have differences, but you've got to be willing to
cooperate and work things out. Some people are so selfish, and they
think they always have to be right. Well, everybody has different
opinions about things, and you can't always argue that my way is
right and yours is wrong. Would you want to be married to someone
like that? I guess it comes back to the Golden Rule; treat others
the way you'd like to be treated.”
Beulah
Mae Winter, 103, married 44 years.
About the Author
Paul Roden is an entrepreneur, writer and speaker. He has literally devoted years of his life in the pursuit and study of wisdom in an effort to improve not only his life, but also the lives of others. Paul speaks to a wide variety of audiences about wisdom and how it impacts our lives, our relationships, our finances and even our businesses and careers. From churches and faith-based events, to business and management programs, and especially schools and youth events, Paul will show you why wisdom is truly “more valuable than gold....more precious than rubies.” Paul and his wife, Kate, have been happily married for 23 years and live in Oklahoma City. For more information or to book a speaking engagement, contact Paul at 405-549-3984 or visit https://www.facebook.com/WisdomResearchGroup
